Out of grief comes purpose

Becky Kruse, shown in her Tulsa home, wrote a book of letters to honor her son Adam, who died in 2007 at age 22.

A parent losing a child goes against the natural order of life. It left a searing pain that Becky Kruse continues to feel.

When Kruse lost Adam, her 22-year-old son and the youngest of her three children, to suicide, she struggled to get past the loss and to understand how her bright and loving son could be afflicted with depression without her knowledge.

Within days of Adam’s death on July 25, 2007, Kruse began writing. It was her way of coping with the unimaginable. She wrote to Adam.

Today, Kruse still writes to her son, but she also researches, studies and works to understand depression, suicide and mental illness. What she has found is alarming.

Every 14 minutes, someone in the United States commits suicide, and Oklahoma is eighth in the nation for rate of suicide per capita.

"There’s not a lot of resources in the heartland to help raise awareness and educate the public," Kruse says. "Depression is taboo, and part of depression is being unable to ask for help. I want to help stop that stigma and help mend some bleeding hearts."

"Note to Adam: One Mother’s Struggle to Cope With Suicide, and Her Personal Journey to Find the Light" is Kruse’s attempt to expose a dark subject through her journey of self-discovery. The book captures the first three years of letters she penned to her son after his death.

Kruse says she hopes the compilation of letters to Adam will help readers recognize the signs and symptoms of suicide and prevent others from suffering the same loss she did. All proceeds from the sale of the book will benefit suicide prevention groups, educational workshops and the Tulsa City-County Library system.

To Adam … out of

Out of the chaos, calm.

Out of the loss, love.

Out of the implosion, illumination.

Out of the sadness, sight.

Out of the fear, forgiveness.

Out of the pain, peace.

Out of the sorrow, surrender.

Out of the helplessness, healing.

Out of the unknown, understanding.

Out of the anger, acceptance.

Out of the reluctance, reality.

Out of the soul, solitude.

Out of the guilt, grace.

Out of the end, escape.

Becky Kruse, April 21, 2008

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