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Religion under attack!
Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. Mardel Christian and Education is closed on Sundays. Seems like it would be a big day for the store — all I’m saying.
Laugh if you must, but had you just slipped the panties on your head and were experiencing the self-satisfaction that must come with having designed such a fool-proof disguise, would you remember the wig? A woman in OKC held up a McDonald’s while wearing underwear on her head, held in place by a blond wig.
Best political insight from a small-town mayor over an Italian Philly sandwich
“Since the new Tulsa government was formed after Rodger Randall,” Jenks Mayor Vic Vreeland told me, “you’ve had four mayors: two Democrats, two Republicans; two women, two men. And none have been overly successful. You think maybe it’s the system?”
One of these things is not like the others … Oral Roberts University officials sold the 8.3-acre compound that was home to two generations of Robertses for $1.55 million. The property has guesthouses, a swimming pool, winding driveways, vaulted ceilings and Formica — Formica? — countertops.
And the consultant said … “Thousands of Tulsans want to hear ‘Afternoon Delight,’ ‘Eye of the Tiger’ and ‘U Can’t Touch This’ back to back to back. Trust me.”
The billboards for 92.9 BOB FM proclaim: “We play anything.”
Well, then you’re not really a radio station; you’re an iPod.
Eavesdroppings
Woman: Did you read the directions before setting off the roach bomb?
Man: Yes. Well … most of them.
So you arrest the one who’s not vomiting, doesn’t fall out of the truck and is wearing his seatbelt? Where’s the justice?
So Sam Sommers is drunk. No argument. The woman in the passenger seat, however, is so blitzed that while sticking her head out of the window to vomit, she falls out of the truck when her door, secured by baling wire, opens. Another passenger, in the back, then falls out trying to save her.
Minutes later, Sommers drives into a concrete barrier in an attempt to stop, which is when police are called and when, we imagine, he thinks, “Weren’t there (belch) three of us?” Of note, Sommers was wearing a seatbelt, but because he reeked of alcohol, cops gave him no credit for buckling up; instead, he was booked on a first-offense D.U.I. charge.
Not sure about the first-offense business, but maybe police take these kinds of rookie mistakes into consideration. Had Sommers been a more experienced drunk, he would have known to caution his passengers, “Yo, F.Y.I., the baling wire ain’t gonna hold you if you start hurling.”
Rule No. 6 In news photos, there’s an 81 percent chance Dewey Bartlett will be in a tan suit, red tie and have his mouth open.
If he wanted to be helpful, Rep. Rex Duncan should have proposed legislation barring biblical law, especially Deuteronomy 25: 11-12, which states, “If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand.” Rep. Rex Duncan (R-Sand Springs) authored a bill forbidding Oklahoma courts from using Sharia Law. (“Sharia,” which means “path” in Arabic, influences the legal code in most Muslim countries.) Even Duncan admits that there’s no evidence any judge is actually considering stoning an Oklahoman for infidelity, for instance, but he wants to make sure the Muslim legal code doesn’t get “a toe-hold” in case a “What do we want? Sharia Law! When do we want it? Now!” movement sweeps the state.
UPS AND DOWNS
DOWN: Rogers County Sheriff Scott Walton for pimping Tulsa Gold and Gems. To his credit, Walton isn’t getting paid; still, he appears in uniform, meaning his position and integrity are being used to sell, among other things, dental gold. Yes, the store sells fillings. Sheriff, really, you’re OK with this?
DOWN: Councilman Jim Mautino. Not for voting against William Bowles’ reappointment to a local city board but for saying afterward that he didn’t mean to. Those “yes” and “no” buttons are so confusing.
NEUTRAL: Cynthia Low, former Oklahoma State University employee. Sure, she used the university credit card to buy sex paraphernalia and plus-size women’s lingerie, but she also bought diet pills and children’s toys. She’s a giver and trying to improve herself. How do you judge?
UP: Art Rasher, University of Tulsa business professor, who was named Big Brother of the Year by the national Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization for mentoring Victor Ornelas-Perez, a 16-year-old Booker T. Washington student.
