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PrintBarry Friedman at Large - Failing grades all around, but we’re great with animals
Barry Friedman at Large
Isn’t there an easier way to say this?
Above the Broken Arrow Expressway, around Sheridan Road, there’s an orange sign featuring adorable little male stick figures with shovels, highway markers, the words “Road Under Construction Use Alt” and squiggly lines that look like the path to Middle Earth. It’s a complex message, not unlike the early cave renderings that revealed where the antelope were hiding, but our At Large ODOT liaison officer has deciphered its meaning: Traffic’s a bitch.
Tulsa elections, part one: And God said, “Don’t blame me if she loses. I’m just putting up yard signs.”
Republican mayoral candidate Anna Falling said God was on her campaign team.
New feature: Chutzpah of the Month
To Shirley Johnson, speaking about the new Biscuit Acres Dog Park, who said, “Our dogs aren’t allowed in the children’s parks, but parents seem to think children can come in here.”
Shirley, you’re so right — kids and parents in a public park? What the hell’s wrong with these people?
Random Tulsa references during 37 minutes on a flight to Vegas
At 3:46 p.m., I read about 18-year-old Tulsa ballplayer Calvin Coolidge Julius Caesar Tuskahoma “Buster” McLish in Dick Schaap’s autobiography, “Flashing Before My Eyes: 50 Years of Headlines, Deadlines and Punchlines.” At 4:01 p.m., I learned about a Tulsa doctor who directs patients to a clinic he owns in Atul Gawande’s brilliant story on health care in The New Yorker. And at 4:23 p.m., I overheard a woman with a neck brace in bulkhead say, “We just came from Tulsa” and then moan.
Tom Coburn, senator, doctor, minister, standup
At first we were going to congratulate Tom Coburn (give him an “up” arrow even) for telling his roommate, the equally sanctimonious Sen. John Ensign (R-Nevada), to stop acting like a putz. Then we learned Coburn not only knew about Ensign’s affair but also refused to help investigators looking into payoffs Ensign may have made to the woman’s husband. Coburn said, “I was counseling him as a physician and as an ordained deacon. That is privileged communication that I will never reveal to anybody.”
Let us remind the senator, you are a gynecologist/obstetrician, so unless you were giving Ensign a Pap smear, the “Get Smart” Cone of Silence doesn’t apply.
As to the ordained deacon business, fine … whatever.
Coburn concluded his month-long tour de force by impersonating Ricky Ricardo at the Sotomayor confirmation hearings.
Tulsa elections, part two: Don Quixote, party of seven, your table’s ready.
Candidates Rocky Frisco, Prophet Kelly Clark, Paul Tay, Accountability Burns, Robert Gwin Jr., Michael Tomes Sr. and David O’Connor.
To the windmill, men!
Eavesdroppings
“I got tickets for McCartney because I want to see one of The Beatles before they all die. John and George are gone and Ringo doesn’t count.”
At Large Dumb Criminal of the Month
The 16-year-old Tulsa youth who punched an officer who was making an arrest … of someone else. Assaulting an officer is always the fast track into the DCOTM semifinals, but when you’re not even committing the crime and cold cock a cop just for the hell of it, well, your prize is awaiting.
Stories we won’t be covering
The musical entries submitted for Tulsa Transit’s Rock the Bus campaign.
Tulsa elections, part three: Watch! This guy will win.
Policeman Cleon Burrell wanted to be mayor; unfortunately, city employees can’t seek elected office unless they resign their current positions. Since Burrell couldn’t afford to do that, but missed the deadline to have his name removed from the ballot, he is now officially in the race, even though legally he can’t run and now doesn’t want the job anyway.
Only in Tulsa.
Ups and downs
DOWN ... Tulsa Public Schools for receiving (and its subsequent explanation for) “accredited with probation” from the state education board. It would be like your child getting a D+ and saying, “But I didn’t know what was going to be on the test.”
UP ... John Bolton, BOK Center general manager, for the arena’s larger-than-expected first-year success. Who said it couldn’t be done? (Actually, I said it.)
DOWN (in perpetuity) … Rep. Sally Kern. Sure, she’s not a Tulsan, but every time she opens her mouth — advocating loyalty cards was last month’s nuttiness — the state’s image tumbles, which means Tulsa’s does as well.
