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Barry Friedman at Large

Garbage in, garbage … well, we don’t know exactly what happens next.

Random Tulsa reference

(Woody Allen’s interview in Esquire)

“When I opened ‘Take the Money and Run,’ the guys at United Artists accumulated the nation’s criticisms … that’s when I realized that it’s ridiculous. I mean, the guy in Tulsa thinks the picture’s a masterpiece, and the guy in Vermont thinks it’s the dumbest thing he’s ever seen.”

In the 100 worst ideas coming out of Washington, here are No. 386 and No. 871.

In August, Sen. Tom Coburn said President Barack Obama is “perilously close” to being impeached, but then added, “I don’t have the legal background to know if that rises to ‘high crimes and misdemeanors.’”

So, you say the president should be impeached, but then admit you’re not qualified to determine if he has done anything to warrant impeachment? Wow!

The senator then told a group in Muskogee, “I used to have a great fear of constitutional conventions. I have a great fear now of not having one.”

So, your trepidation of living with a document authored by Jefferson, Madison and Paine frightens you more than one Cruz, Gohmert and Bridenstine would create?

Forehead, say hello to open palm.

M.B. Brady Street

P.U.H.lease.

How expensive is a bottle of hooch in Chickasha that this is even remotely worth the effort?

A man in Chickasha was fired from his job at a feed plant after sweeping up spare grain and then taking it out to the woods to make moonshine.

“You see shows on TV and you hear stories,” the man said. “I had my curiosities about it, and I did it.”

Follow your dreams, dude.

Overheard

The friend wrote from Louisville, Ky.:

“Just letting my friends know I am at a Trader Joe’s. Buying Bourbon. On a Sunday. Why do I live in Oklahoma?”

As-salamu alaykum

Last November, a judge put a temporary ban on a bill that made it illegal for judges to consider Shariah law in Oklahoma, because 1) No judge had ever been asked to, and 2) It “violated the guarantee of religious freedom contained in the U.S. Constitution’s First Amendment.”

Last month, the same U.S. District Judge, Vicki Miles-LaGrange, put an end to this nonsense, issuing a permanent injunction:

“While the public has an interest in the will of the voters being carried out, the court finds that the public has a more profound and long-term interest in upholding an individual’s constitutional rights” and that Oklahoma “failed to prove a compelling interest for the law.”

That’s legalese for: “Get the hell out of my courtroom.”

Rule 235

If you have a misspelled tattoo, you’re banned from attending political rallies. 

Your joke here

During a prayer service at Oral Roberts University’s Christ Chapel, a bald eagle crashed into a window.

“It was a bit shocking to see, but we’re thankful the eagle is OK,” said spokeswoman Carissa Bratschun, who added, “It had practiced five or six times.”

Maybe he could help write the new constitution.

Congressman Markwayne Mullin is verklempt.

First, in Afton, he commiserated with a woman who’s convinced President Obama is not an American.

“I believe what you’re saying,” said Mullin, before adding, “Honestly, I don’t even give a sh*t. If the rest of the American people thought that was a big enough issue which, I thought it probably would’ve been. Who would’ve thought we would ever actually be questioning if we had a natural-born president being president?”

You mean other than people who have “proof” of the president’s Kenyan birth in a Ziploc sandwich baggie? Nobody.

Next, in Welch, he talked of going shopping:

“So, I’m in Crystal City and I’m buying my groceries … and I’m looking over, and there’s a couple beside me. This guy was built like a brick house. I mean he had muscles all over him. He was in a little tank top and pair of shorts and really nice Nike shoes. And she was standing there, and she was all in shape and she looked like she had just come from a fitness program. And they go up in front of me and they pay with that card. Fraud.”

Forehead, you’ve met open palm, yes?

For those wondering where they should stick their clear bags … just saying.

Asked if the city owed Tulsans refunds for disposing yard waste like regular garbage, Trash Board Chairman Randy Sullivan said nope.

“Well, we have provided the service.”

Huh? Your trash-to-energy mulching facility can’t remove the plastic bags we’ve been told to use, you’re throwing green waste in with the alkaline batteries, diapers and half-eaten Twinkies (and have been doing it since January) ... and you’re copping an attitude?

“I think we’re just in the stage of ‘everybody calm down a little bit.’”

Forehead, have you met … ?


Ups and downs

DOWN … State School Superintendent Janet Barresi for encouraging Tulsans to “prayerfully” consider running for local school boards to give teachers ideas about how to teach standards. What could possibly go wrong there?

DOWN … A one-mile stretch of East 41st Street ranks as the worst four-lane arterial in the city, according to a Tulsa World analysis of City of Tulsa pavement condition data. A 2010 pavement condition study commissioned by the city gave the bone-jarring stretch of asphalt a 14 out of 100 points on a measurement system called the pavement condition index. 

UP … J.B. Mauney for not only riding Bushwhacker, a bull with 42 consecutive buck-offs, at a PBR event at the BOK Center, but also for this pearl of wisdom: “You feel good, you are riding good.” 

                    

 

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Justin Fuente

Justin Fuente

Head football coach, University of Memphis

Now, where was I ...