Barry Friedman at Large
True or ... purposeful malarkey?
While the rabbi was changing into his ceremonial robe for the evening service, a congregant asked, “Where’s the rabbi?”
“Putting on his cape,” said the woman at the front desk.
And we were so looking forward to another month of snarky comments about how our storm-related debris still hadn’t been picked up when
... it was picked up.
Parting words from our favorite bookseller, Joanie Stephenson, whose 66-year business, Steve’s Sundry Books & Magazines, will close permanently on New Year’s Eve:
“Never bring your Kindle to a book signing. Authors hate that.”
Dumb Criminal of the Month
A Tulsa woman tried stealing the same necklace from Walmart ... twice.
I know. From Walmart, right?
According to police, the alleged thief was caught attempting to steal the $30 piece. Then, while she was held by store personnel, she “stole” it again when, inexplicably, it was placed close enough for her to shove it into her pocket.
Oh, just give her the damn necklace already.
“Your honor, we’d like to call God to the witness stand.”
Insisting the Affordable Care Act is a “government scheme,” four Oklahoma Christian universities are suing the feds, claiming, among other things, that Obamacare will force them to provide the “morning-after” pill, which university spokespeople believe induce abortions.
For the record, the “morning-after pill” does not. It delays or inhibits ovulation; RU 486 induces abortion.
THEY ARE NOT THE SAME DRUG!
Senior counsel for the plaintiffs, Gregory S. Baylor, said, “You must either comply and abandon your religious freedom and conscience. ... If religious convictions mean nothing in this context, there is no stopping what the government can ultimately do.”
Oh, knock it off. Allowing a Presbyterian bookkeeper in the bursar’s office to be reimbursed for emergency contraception does not lead us to Golgotha.
And this from Oklahoma Wesleyan University President Everett Piper: “We are filing suit because we believe God is God and the government is not.”
That’s why you’re filing suit?
I think you underestimate drunk, redneck Okies.
Tulsa’s Bartlett Square will be getting its — let’s see — 879th design change when a new low-profile decorative platform is placed at the center of the traffic circle at East Fifth and South Main streets. The previous structure was boarded up after a driver, well, drove through it. Now, unlike that design, which came with two stacked water bowls, the new fountain features nine LED-infused water jets with two 4-inch shelves 27 feet in diameter.
“If, by chance, some drunk, redneck Okie decided to take their pickup over the top of it,” said Downtown Coordinating Council Manager Tom Baker, “it won’t damage the fountain.”
I’ll give it a month.
I’d rather gargle Clorox than stay in this marriage, but, fine, if I have to watch the tape, I’ll watch the tape.
Sen. Rob Standridge, R-Norman, wants to reduce Oklahoma’s high divorce rate by requiring mandatory counseling before a couple can actually file for one.
“For Oklahoma,” he says, “I think something very simple to begin with, maybe a 30-minute piece on reconciliation.”
Yeah, that’ll work.
Satisfaction only really comes from a customer service agent’s supervisor’s supervisor.
The only thing that stops a guy with a grenade is, well, often, the guy himself.
A Tulsa man, trying to make a homemade explosive device, blew off his fingers when he tried — I don’t know — to “ert” an inert grenade.
Cops believe the man was using black powder when a spark ignited the device, causing him to lose some fingers.
“Black powder is slow burning, so if it had been the actual powder that is used for grenades, he’d be dead,” said Sgt. Steve Stoltz — you know, just in case anyone was thinking, “Dayum, if that were me in that predicament, I’d just use actual grenade powder.”
You didn’t really ask this, did you?
A Tulsa World subhead on Sept. 22: “Why is it important for OSU to avoid NCAA probation?”
Ups and downs
UP … Tulsa Police Chief Chuck Jordan for — well, let him tell you.
“I cannot apologize for the actions, inaction and dereliction that those individual officers and their chief exhibited during that dark time,” Jordan said at John Hope Franklin Reconciliation Park. “But as your chief today, I can apologize for our police department. I am sorry and distressed that the Tulsa Police Department did not protect its citizens during those tragic days in 1921.”
UP … George Kaiser. Just look around.
DOWN … State Insurance Commissioner John Doak for releasing a study on Obamacare, which talked of humongous rate increases but failed to include, among other things, federal subsidies that will offset those increases.
Asked why the subsidies weren’t included in the calculation, Doak’s spokesperson said, “It’s basically impossible because you’re comparing apples to oranges.”
Yeah ... and truth to fiction.