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PrintBarry Friedman at large
You say Apoplectic; I say Apologetic. Let’s call the whole thing off.
Which is not to say the governor doesn’t want you prepared if facing a brown bear who has ripped the driver’s side door off your F-250 and is about to beat you to death with your own limb. While announcing a campaign urging all state residents to be aware of wildfires, a newson6.com headline incorrectly read: “Governor Fallin Urges Wildlife Preparedness in Oklahoma.”
Dumb Criminals of the Month The two guys who stole the Golden Driller plaque and tried to pawn it.
Clerk: “Where’d you two get the plaque?”
Thieves: “Uh, we found it.”
Further, considering the Golden Driller was “dressed” in a kilt for the Oklahoma Scottish Festival, how did the crooks decide who would hold up the skirt and who would root around underneath for valuables?
How tired do you think they are of this joke? The Apologetics for Lunch (Apologetics is the branch of Christianity that gives a rational, rather than a faith-based, defense of the religion) meet at TU’s Sharp Memorial Chapel on Fridays at 11:45 a.m. — oh, wait, sorry, it’s Thursdays.
“Officer, once it expired, I decided to go for the record.” Returning from traffic court, our At Large state transportation liaison spotted a car at East 15th Street and South Lewis Avenue whose tag expired in June of 2010.
And if this doesn’t increase business, a man wearing a sandwich board will pace up and down the driveway. My rabbi recently told me to “choose” my battles more carefully, so I no longer get apoplectic when chimney, pool, lawn and roofing services use my property for their garish yard signs. Good thing I don’t live at East 31st Street and South Peoria Avenue, for I’d need intubation. A construction company doing renovation there has hung two small billboards on the property’s south and west retaining walls, complete with logo and pictures. Question: Who would allow his home to be used like this — other than the owner of the construction company and, possibly, my rabbi?
And Romney lost precisely 4.3 milliseconds of sleep over this. After Jim Inhofe concluded that GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney was “mushy” on the environment — meaning the former Massachusetts governor believes it exists — the senator endorsed and then invited Texas Gov. Rick Perry to Tulsa for a joint press conference, where they railed against the evils of Hollywood and liberals (talk about mushy topics). Anyway, it’s odd that Perry would waste campaign dollars coming to Oklahoma, for it’s not like the state is up for grabs in 2012. Mrs. Perry could beat President Obama here.
(Prediction: If Perry becomes president, Inhofe will be named energy secretary and yours truly will be writing this column from Vancouver.)
Eavesdroppings Driving by a local church, the couple saw “Apostle” Fred Price advertised on the
billboard.
Man: Who decided Fred was an apostle?
Woman: Fred.
“Hello, Senator. The usual?” At QuikTrip, a 32-ounce beverage in a polystyrene cup (you know it as Styrofoam) is $1.09; the same-sized beverage in a plastic cup is 99 cents. Moreover, Styrofoam takes 850,000 more years to decompose than plastic. You’ve really got to hate the environment to not want to save money.
All Stoops, all the time In the October What I’ve Learned column in Esquire, Bob Stoops opined on everything from prayer to amateur athletics to relationships, of which he said, “The characteristic that every college football coach should look for in a wife is independence.”
Hmmm.
How about warmth, intelligence, fidelity, mind-numbing sexuality, untapped trust fund? We can assume Stoops was advising coaches to marry secure women and not ones who will hock them every 45 minutes about coming home for dinner, but, really, independence?
Ups and downs
UP … The Cherokee Tribe for allowing descendants of slaves to vote in future elections. It was the right thing to do, even if the tribe’s decision was probably based on HUD’s refusal to release $33 million in federal aid until it did.
UP … Bob Stoops for suggesting it wouldn’t be armageddon if OU and The University of Texas didn’t play football every year. “Nobody wants to hear (it),” he said, talking about a possible conference realignment, “but life changes. Sometimes that’s the way it goes.” Perspective? About football? In Oklahoma? He could get fired for this.
NEUTRAL … OSU and TU officials for deciding to play last month’s game, even though it started after midnight and ended after 3 a.m.
UP for thinking, “This is cool.” DOWN for not thinking, “This is crazy.”
