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A local psychologist (and adoptive parent) provides insight into the psychological impact of adoption.
Dr. Mark Sadler, an adoptive father and psychologist who treats adoptive children and families, advises parents to tell children early about their adoption.
“Make sure they know what it means … (it’s) just another way of having the children we’re supposed to have,” he says.
Learning about adoption at age 11 or 12 can shake a child’s trust with parents.
Attachment, or bonding, can also be an issue with adoptive children.
“Some parents don’t want to push holding or closeness,” Sadler says, “especially with children from foster homes or orphanages.”
He encourages parents to force physically close relationships with young children, even though “the process may be uncomfortable. Kids will fidget and whine.”
For infants having attachment issues, swaddling can give them the closeness they need with less physical contact. Adoptive children with memories of being rejected by their birth mothers may prefer to be cared for by their adoptive fathers. Sadler encourages these dads to support the mother/child connection, making sure that mom or both parents provide care.
These “goodness of fit” issues can happen in biological families, too. Sadler suggests early intervention — especially for international adoptions.
“I do as much education as I do therapy with adoptive parents,” he says. “They like to hear their situations are normal.”
His status as an adoptive parent is reassuring to the adoptive families he treats. He and his wife, Mary, have a biological son, one adopted at birth and another adopted at 10 weeks. At one point, they adopted a daughter, but the birth mother changed her mind after just one day. Yes, Sadler says that event was “devastating,” but their son was born two weeks later.
“Mary and I were supposed to have all three boys,” he says.
Symptoms of attachment issues with adopted children
Lack of eye contact (can be subtle).
Lying about the obvious.
Learning lags.
Poor peer relationships.
Abnormal speech patterns (mumbles, baby talk, mutters, etc.).
Feeding problems.
Source: Psychologist Mark Sadler
