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PrintBarry Friedman at Large
I smell mendacity and candy.
Dumb criminal of the month
Tulsan Bradley Alan Hill for allegedly forcing his way into a man’s home in an attempt to find his estranged girlfriend. Upon hearing Hill break in, the homeowner pointed a 12-gauge shotgun at him, which is when most of us would have given up thoughts of reunification and returned to our double-wide and started writing unrequited love poems — but not our DCOM. Instead, Hill moved toward the homeowner, who retreated until, we imagine, he thought, “Hey, why am I backing up? I have the gun,” and shot Hill in the leg.
Internal dialogue with limited punctuation at a Tulsa Oilers game
Did I really just see a girl in short shorts with a huge snow shovel skate the length of the rink and pick up a microscopic amount of ice and then skate back and dump it in a trash bin before disappearing into the bowels of the BOK?
First 2011 prediction
Even if next year’s first-round NCAA tournament at the BOK Center draws twice the crowd of this year’s C-USA tourney, it will still be tougher getting a seat at Red Lobster on a Friday night.
Gun tips we thought would have already been covered.
After stray bullets from an unauthorized firing range in Broken Arrow struck a home, police told shooters to find another place to discharge their weapons, or (and we love this part) point them in another direction.
I hear you barking, but I can’t talk to you right now.
The Oklahoma Legislature passed a bill defining distracted driving to include reading, writing, engaging in personal grooming and interacting with your pets. The fine is $100, but only if you’re committing other traffic violations, such as speeding.
Take your indignity back.
To the approximately 6,000 people who paid between $47 and $127 to hear Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck predict and bemoan the country’s descent into Gomorrah at last month’s “Taking Our Country Back” Tour (and considering there was only one other stop, Kansas City, this wasn’t really a tour tour), look at the bright side. You obviously have enough disposable income to pay for the same drivel you could have heard for free on FOX.
“Tell them, especially considering how things turned out, I really wasn’t that displeased.”
Considering that some who drive by will be making snide comments about the other 6 percent, why would a local hospital open itself up to ridicule by placing billboards around town stating 94 percent of its patients would recommend the facility?
We’re assuming the remainder either:
a) Had significant qualms about some aspect of their overall experience, or
b) Died before they could fill out the survey.
Maybe in your porn-saturated mind, this explanation makes sense, but the rest of us are thinking, “Huh?”
A Pauls Valley man was arrested last month for breaking into area churches and allegedly using their computers to gain access to pornographic Web sites for up to two hours at a time. When asked by police why he targeted houses of worship, the man, Nathanael Christian (and how’s that for ironic?), said it was because his family “has always been religious.”
Eavesdroppings
At Reasor’s …
“Why are the self-service checkout lanes closed? Isn’t that sort of the point?”
Ups and downs
DOWN Rep. Lewis Moore (R-Arcadia) for removing a picture of President Obama from the House chamber because Moore disagreed with the president’s policies. Apparently it was either take down the portrait or go with Plan B, which was to draw a mustache and glasses on Obama’s face.
UP TU’s men’s basketball team. We know, a first-round NIT loss, an abundance of unrealized talent and an inability to win a post-season tournament in its hometown; still, the school has fewer than 3,100 undergraduate students. The University of Central Florida, another C-USA school, has 10,150 ... faculty and staff, so ease up on the criticism. Moreover, unlike many Division 1 schools, TU athletes can’t major in sports management or exercise science.
DOWN Sen. Tom Coburn for trying to kill health care reform by offering a last-minute amendment that would have prohibited the federal government from paying for erectile dysfunction drugs for convicted sex offenders. Sounds noble, except the Department of Health and Human Services already prohibits it. The amendment failed, as the senator knew it would, but this was never about taxpayers or health care anyway — it was a political stunt so Coburn could claim Democrats support pedophiles and rapists over hard-working Americans and common sense. Ah, what leadership!
