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Barry Friedman At Large
Free parking forever
The City of Tulsa announced free parking on Cincinnati, between First and Second streets, for those coming downtown to pay fines or utility bills.
You only get 30 minutes, though, so if you stay longer, you’ll get a ticket. The good news is, you can always come back and use the free parking to pay it.
Dumb criminal(s) of the month
Ben and Ahcene Meraou, owners of Benali’s Ristorante in Broken Arrow, for being arrested after police found a pound of marijuana and a semi-automatic pistol in their home.
Dudes, you were protecting a pound of herb with a semi-automatic? Good thing pot doesn’t make you paranoid. Our At Large criminologist/Dead Head says you could have saved yourselves a weapons charge had you either gotten a big, lazy, gaseous dog to protect your stash or just taped a note to the baggie that read “Mine.”
Give him a raise. In fact, give him a blank check and let him fill it out.
Last month, a Whole Foods Market employee, while giving the bananas a spritz, discovered and — here’s the key part — captured what may have been a Brazilian Wandering Spider, whose bite can kill in 20 minutes. Subsequently, there was debate as to whether it was as deadly as first thought, but we’ll never know because the arachnophobes at TU killed it before anyone could tell (wonder if they used a rolled-up Whole Foods circular?); nevertheless, pretty ballsy move by the clerk. At Large employees would have run screaming from the store like little girls.
This is Oklahoma!
At first, like most, we mocked Rep. Shane Jett’s (R-Tecumseh) proposal to italicize and punctuate “Oklahoma” in the state flag as a transparent attempt to suck up to musical comedy devotees and grammarians.
But then we started thinking: While other states wimp out with nonsense like “The Garden State” (New Jersey) or “Mile After Magnificent Mile” (Illinois), Jett’s new slogan will be bold, unapologetic. It would tell visitors, essentially, “This is Oklahoma, dammit!” Neighboring states will fear us. You go, Shane!
If I’m the horse, I’m still not convinced
A new law prevents Oklahomans from performing equine dental work — called teeth floating — without first acquiring the necessary veterinary license. Seems a Geary, Okla., man was arrested after injecting a mare with a sedative and extracting a bicuspid. Even stranger, the man, Bobby Griswold, had been warned on four different occasions by state authorities to stop practicing dentistry on state horses.
Four times, Bobby?! I would think that after two times, you’d decide, “This just isn’t fun anymore.” For his part, Griswold says there aren’t enough veterinary dentists in Oklahoma, so he will continue practicing.
Our At Large handicapper/director of equestrian affairs says, “See what happens when you don’t have universal large animal health insurance? We should adopt Canada’s model.”
Exhibit A: The McNugget
What’s in a name? Plenty. If your surname is Hitler, for example, you’ll have a rough go making it as an OB/GYN.
Our point?
An oil and natural gas pipe and distributor, which had merged with Tulsa-based Red Man Pipe and Supply Co., decided against an initial public stock offering recently because of current market conditions.
The problem, we think, goes deeper — to the company’s name, McJunkin Red Man Corp.
You heard right: McJunkin.
Seems a guy named Jerry McJunkin, in fact, co-founded the company in 1921; still … change it! It has “junk” in it. You could go McBankrupt. (Incidentally, we’re not crazy about “Red Man” either.)
Stories we won’t be covering Coolio’s triumphant return to Tulsa.
Last word ... on the Boss in Tulsa
Transcendent, astonishing, life and mind altering, but he didn’t play “Thunder Road,” “The River,” “Racing in the Street,” “Glory Days,” “Jungleland” or “Atlantic City.”
Final grade: B+.
