The last word

Look at me. Look at me.



Connie Cronley, Iron Gate executive director, with guests Tony, Margaret and Rodney (front).

1. Laurence Olivier said that when he made a stage entrance, he imagined himself carrying a pink umbrella. He thought that helped call the audience’s attention to him. That’s because actors want people to look at them when they’re on stage.

2. When television was becoming popular, white shirts created a glare, so men were asked to wear pastel dress shirts. Soon, lots of men were wearing pastel dress shirts so that other people would think that they, too, were appearing on television.

3. I like the joke about a redneck’s last words: “Hey, watch this!”

4. I hate Facebook.

What do these four things have in common?  Some vague theory I’m developing about our desperate need for attention. We are so far beyond a celebrity culture; that seems as antiquated as women in ancient Greece collecting the perspiration of famous gladiators. Or as primitive as eating the flesh of fierce warriors.

No, what we’re after now is individual celebrity. Not just 15 minutes of fame but daily, constant chattering, clamoring for attention like a 2-year-old child.

When I caved into peer pressure and signed up on Facebook, one of the first messages was from a person reporting to everybody, “I just ate a peanut butter sandwich and am going to bed.”

This stop-the-presses report cooled me forever on Facebook. Or, perhaps, it implanted the fear that I, too, would succumb to such innocuous posts. This is the opposite of a lesson I learned the hard way: Two things not to do after drinking too much wine are trim your own hair or e-mail people what you’re really thinking.

Brooding over this craving to be in the public eye led me to thinking about eye contact in general and its complexities — the different connotations, implications and plain-old misunderstandings. There’s even a polysyllabic word for the study of eye contact in nonverbal communication: oculesics.

Supposedly, when my cat looks at me and blinks slowly, it means that she loves me. But if I blink slowly at another human, it means that I’m either disinterested or sleepy. Whereas if I blink excessively, it could mean that I’m flirting, stressed or lying. Or, I suppose, all of the above.

Not making eye contact could mean lying, too, or guilt. I think of this when I’m trying to explain something to somebody and look away to gather my thoughts. “Uh, oh,” I remind myself and snap back to eye contact so sincere it’s bug-eyed. This is equally disconcerting to the other person. No wonder I find myself often misunderstood.

It’s hard work, eye contact. Looking too long at someone — akin to staring — can be rude, creepy or threatening, as in, “What are you looking at?”

Unless we smile when we look at the other person, which can be interpreted as friendly. Unless we’re in France, where smiling at someone we don’t know suggests to the reserved French that we are simpletons.

Eye contact in other cultures can mean entirely other things. In an Argentine tango club, a woman stares at a man to convey, “Ask me to dance. And I mean only dance.” Whereas in Japan, a woman who does not make eye contact can be considered polite and proper. Same thing for some traditional American Indians and for a couple of ex-cons I know.

My day job is at a soup kitchen, where I learned that homeless people say one of the most painful things about being homeless is becoming invisible. People don’t look at them. Maybe the people think they will embarrass the homeless. Maybe they’re afraid they will be asked for money. Strangers look away or even cross the street to avoid the homeless.

So I started taking photographs of the people who eat at the soup kitchen, but always with their permission. We put the pictures on the bulletin board. We print the photos in newsletters and brochures and run them in our online eNews. It’s our way of saying, “We see you. You’re a person.”

Sometimes the homeless ask for a copy of the photo to send to a mother for a holiday, to a fiancé in prison or to friends far away.

Sometimes they want the photo for themselves. Same reason we all want pictures of ourselves. It’s not look-at-me ego. The photo reminds us: I’m here.

Edit ModuleShow Tags

Archive »You Might Like

I am Tulsa: Evan Tipton

The leader of the Business Development Crew for Tulsa's Young Professionals dedicates his free time to making Tulsa the best it can be.

A happy return

Former pro soccer player Charlie Mitchell reintroduces an old Tulsa favorite with Charlie Mitchell’s Modern Pub.

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Dr. Lori, television personality and appraiser, shares her Top 10 antiques mistakes.

Add your comment:

 

Get the best in arts, entertainment and more straight to your inbox.

Join our email list

Edit ModuleShow Tags

February 2018

Opening to the public on Thursday, Nov. 16, the 110th anniversary of Oklahoma statehood, “The Art of Oklahoma” celebrates the Museum’s outstanding and...

Cost: Free with admission

Where:
Oklahoma City Museum of Art
415 Couch Dr.
Oklahoma City, OK  73102
View map »


Website »

More information

An introduction to Modern Dance technique including fundamental principles of contraction/release, spiral, and shift of weight. Students focus on movement from the inside out, encouraging use of...

Cost: $18.75 or $15 with punch card

Where:
Fly Loft studio 3
117 N Boston
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »

More information

Shelter brings together two nationally recognized artists, sculptor Patrick Dougherty and fiber artist Rachel Hayes in a thought-provoking exploration of space, architecture, and structures....

Cost: Free

Where:
108 Contemporary
108 East M.B. Brady Street
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Sponsor: 108 Contemporary

More information

For those with Modern Dance Technique training. Very similar to Advanced Modern MIX. Who: Dancers with Modern technique training Bring: movement clothes, layers, cotton socks. When:...

Cost: $18.75 or $15 with punch card

Where:
Fly Loft studio 3
117 N Boston
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »

More information

join us Friday February 2nd for another fabulous exhibit featuring Tulsa's own Marjorie Atwood, 'The Gilded Gaze'.  we'll have light refreshments, full bar and live music!...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Mainline Art Bar
111 n main street
tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Telephone: 918-704-3330
Contact Name: katy eagleston

More information

Blithe Spirit is a comic play by Noël Coward. The play concerns the socialite and novelist Charles Condomine, who invites the eccentric medium and clairvoyant, Madame Arcati, to his house...

Cost: $6-$10

Where:
VanTrease PACE
10300 E. 81st Street
Tulsa, OK  74133
View map »


Telephone: 918-595-7768
Contact Name: Dana Edwards
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Opening to the public on Thursday, Nov. 16, the 110th anniversary of Oklahoma statehood, “The Art of Oklahoma” celebrates the Museum’s outstanding and...

Cost: Free with admission

Where:
Oklahoma City Museum of Art
415 Couch Dr.
Oklahoma City, OK  73102
View map »


Website »

More information

Drum up some fun playing songs on traditional African Drums using your hands and a mallet. Registration required: cindy.barton@tulsacc.edu

Cost: free and open to the public

Where:
McKeon Center for Creativity
910 S. Boston Ave.
TCC Metro Campus
Tulsa, OK  74119
View map »


Sponsor: McKeon Center for Creativity
Telephone: 918-595-7339
Contact Name: Cindy Barton
Website »

More information

Shelter brings together two nationally recognized artists, sculptor Patrick Dougherty and fiber artist Rachel Hayes in a thought-provoking exploration of space, architecture, and structures....

Cost: Free

Where:
108 Contemporary
108 East M.B. Brady Street
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Sponsor: 108 Contemporary

More information

join us Friday February 2nd for another fabulous exhibit featuring Tulsa's own Marjorie Atwood, 'The Gilded Gaze'.  we'll have light refreshments, full bar and live music!...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Mainline Art Bar
111 n main street
tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Telephone: 918-704-3330
Contact Name: katy eagleston

More information

Blithe Spirit is a comic play by Noël Coward. The play concerns the socialite and novelist Charles Condomine, who invites the eccentric medium and clairvoyant, Madame Arcati, to his house...

Cost: $6-$10

Where:
VanTrease PACE
10300 E. 81st Street
Tulsa, OK  74133
View map »


Telephone: 918-595-7768
Contact Name: Dana Edwards
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Opening to the public on Thursday, Nov. 16, the 110th anniversary of Oklahoma statehood, “The Art of Oklahoma” celebrates the Museum’s outstanding and...

Cost: Free with admission

Where:
Oklahoma City Museum of Art
415 Couch Dr.
Oklahoma City, OK  73102
View map »


Website »

More information

A celebration of the 2017 Tulsa Area United Way campaign and the many individuals and organizations that made it a success.

Cost: Free

Where:
Cox Business Center
100 Civic Center
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Sponsor: Tulsa Area United Way
Telephone: 191-829-56601
Contact Name: Bonnie Rucker
Website »

More information

Shelter brings together two nationally recognized artists, sculptor Patrick Dougherty and fiber artist Rachel Hayes in a thought-provoking exploration of space, architecture, and structures....

Cost: Free

Where:
108 Contemporary
108 East M.B. Brady Street
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Sponsor: 108 Contemporary

More information

You're invited to join Survivorship Care Manager Traci Owen on Tuesday, February 13, from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. at Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Tulsa's Conference Rooms B, C, and D as...

Cost: Free

Where:
Cancer Treatment Center of America
10109 E. 79th Street
Tulsa, OK  74133
View map »


Sponsor: Cancer Treatment Centers of America
Telephone: 918-286-5800
Website »

More information

join us Friday February 2nd for another fabulous exhibit featuring Tulsa's own Marjorie Atwood, 'The Gilded Gaze'.  we'll have light refreshments, full bar and live music!...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Mainline Art Bar
111 n main street
tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Telephone: 918-704-3330
Contact Name: katy eagleston

More information

Blithe Spirit is a comic play by Noël Coward. The play concerns the socialite and novelist Charles Condomine, who invites the eccentric medium and clairvoyant, Madame Arcati, to his house...

Cost: $6-$10

Where:
VanTrease PACE
10300 E. 81st Street
Tulsa, OK  74133
View map »


Telephone: 918-595-7768
Contact Name: Dana Edwards
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Opening to the public on Thursday, Nov. 16, the 110th anniversary of Oklahoma statehood, “The Art of Oklahoma” celebrates the Museum’s outstanding and...

Cost: Free with admission

Where:
Oklahoma City Museum of Art
415 Couch Dr.
Oklahoma City, OK  73102
View map »


Website »

More information

A Modern Dance inspired exercise class. Fifty minutes of fun, freedom, and flow.  Who: ALL levels Bring: movement clothes, layers, cotton socks When: Wednesdays, Nov. 29 - Dec. 20,...

Cost: $12/class or $10 with punch card

Where:
Fly Loft studio 3
117 N Boston
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »

More information

Shelter brings together two nationally recognized artists, sculptor Patrick Dougherty and fiber artist Rachel Hayes in a thought-provoking exploration of space, architecture, and structures....

Cost: Free

Where:
108 Contemporary
108 East M.B. Brady Street
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Sponsor: 108 Contemporary

More information

A Modern Dance inspired exercise class. Fifty minutes of fun, freedom, and flow.  Who: ALL levels Bring: movement clothes, layers, cotton socks When: Wednesdays, Nov. 29 - Dec. 20,...

Cost: $12/class or $10 with punch card

Where:
Fly Loft studio 3
117 N Boston
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »

More information

All children ages 13 and under, accompanied by an adult, will be allowed in to all 2017-18 ORU Athletics ticketed sports. ALL KIDS – IT’S FREE! is strictly a promotion. These tickets have no...

Cost: $12, $17, $22

Where:
Mabee Center
7777 S Lewis Ave.
Tulsa, OK  74171
View map »


Sponsor: Mabee Center
Telephone: 918-495-6000
Contact Name: Box Office
Website »

More information

join us Friday February 2nd for another fabulous exhibit featuring Tulsa's own Marjorie Atwood, 'The Gilded Gaze'.  we'll have light refreshments, full bar and live music!...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Mainline Art Bar
111 n main street
tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Telephone: 918-704-3330
Contact Name: katy eagleston

More information

Class draws from release technique, classical modern dance, improvisation, and various somatic practices. We combine technique, interior awareness, and specific movement qualities in floor work and...

Cost: Donations. Thanks to support from Tulsa Community Foundation and donors like you

Where:
Fly Loft studio 3
117 N Boston
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »

More information

This Valentine’s Day bring your friends or loved ones to the Aquarium for a fun & romantic night out.  Take a swim through our exhibits while enjoying multiple “Around the...

Cost: $75

Where:
Oklahoma Aquarium
300 Aquarium Drive
Jenks, OK  74037
View map »


Telephone: 918-528-1507
Contact Name: Liz Medrano
Website »

More information

Monthly improvised comedy show featuring Tulsa best improvisers hosted by Blue Dome Social Club at Mainline Art & Cocktails. Must be 21+.

Cost: 0

Where:
Mainline Art & Cocktails
111 N Main Street
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Contact Name: Laurel George
Website »

More information

Blithe Spirit is a comic play by Noël Coward. The play concerns the socialite and novelist Charles Condomine, who invites the eccentric medium and clairvoyant, Madame Arcati, to his house...

Cost: $6-$10

Where:
VanTrease PACE
10300 E. 81st Street
Tulsa, OK  74133
View map »


Telephone: 918-595-7768
Contact Name: Dana Edwards
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Opening to the public on Thursday, Nov. 16, the 110th anniversary of Oklahoma statehood, “The Art of Oklahoma” celebrates the Museum’s outstanding and...

Cost: Free with admission

Where:
Oklahoma City Museum of Art
415 Couch Dr.
Oklahoma City, OK  73102
View map »


Website »

More information

Shelter brings together two nationally recognized artists, sculptor Patrick Dougherty and fiber artist Rachel Hayes in a thought-provoking exploration of space, architecture, and structures....

Cost: Free

Where:
108 Contemporary
108 East M.B. Brady Street
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Sponsor: 108 Contemporary

More information

join us Friday February 2nd for another fabulous exhibit featuring Tulsa's own Marjorie Atwood, 'The Gilded Gaze'.  we'll have light refreshments, full bar and live music!...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Mainline Art Bar
111 n main street
tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Telephone: 918-704-3330
Contact Name: katy eagleston

More information

  Kicking off this month, The "MercyMe Live" Tour will unite the band with Tenth Avenue North alongside Tim Timmons for a three month stretch. The line-up will visit over 20...

Cost: http://mercyme.org/#tour

Where:
Mabee Center
7777 S Lewis Ave
Tulsa, OK  74171
View map »

More information

Blithe Spirit is a comic play by Noël Coward. The play concerns the socialite and novelist Charles Condomine, who invites the eccentric medium and clairvoyant, Madame Arcati, to his house...

Cost: $6-$10

Where:
VanTrease PACE
10300 E. 81st Street
Tulsa, OK  74133
View map »


Telephone: 918-595-7768
Contact Name: Dana Edwards
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

For only January and February - four-legged family members can join you for a walk at the Botanic Garden - Fridays and Saturdays in January and February only.  Dogs must be on a leash (no...

Cost: FREE for Garden members and member dogs; Regular admission for non-members and $

Where:
Tulsa Botanic Garden
3900 Tulsa Botanic Drive
Tulsa, OK  74127
View map »


Sponsor: Tulsa Botanic Garden
Telephone: 918-289-0330
Website »

More information

Opening to the public on Thursday, Nov. 16, the 110th anniversary of Oklahoma statehood, “The Art of Oklahoma” celebrates the Museum’s outstanding and...

Cost: Free with admission

Where:
Oklahoma City Museum of Art
415 Couch Dr.
Oklahoma City, OK  73102
View map »


Website »

More information

Shelter brings together two nationally recognized artists, sculptor Patrick Dougherty and fiber artist Rachel Hayes in a thought-provoking exploration of space, architecture, and structures....

Cost: Free

Where:
108 Contemporary
108 East M.B. Brady Street
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Sponsor: 108 Contemporary

More information

Come have some serious fun at our Fantastic Pajama Party PSN! Not only is it a great opportunity to get some much-needed alone time for you- it’s also a great opportunity for your kids to...

Cost: $35.00 to non-members and $30.00 to members

Where:
The Little Gym
6556 East 91st Street
Tulsa, OK  74133
View map »

More information

join us Friday February 2nd for another fabulous exhibit featuring Tulsa's own Marjorie Atwood, 'The Gilded Gaze'.  we'll have light refreshments, full bar and live music!...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Mainline Art Bar
111 n main street
tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Telephone: 918-704-3330
Contact Name: katy eagleston

More information

The largest marriage conference of its kind is coming to Tulsa, Oklahoma February 16-17. The XO Tour is a one of a kind, live marriage conference bringing couples together in venues...

Cost: $65/ticket

Where:
Victory Church Tulsa
7700 S Lewis Ave
Tulsa, OK
View map »


Sponsor: MarriageToday
Telephone: 972-953-0500
Website »

More information

  Kicking off this month, The "MercyMe Live" Tour will unite the band with Tenth Avenue North alongside Tim Timmons for a three month stretch. The line-up will visit over 20...

Cost: http://mercyme.org/#tour

Where:
Mabee Center
7777 S Lewis Ave
Tulsa, OK  74171
View map »

More information

Blithe Spirit is a comic play by Noël Coward. The play concerns the socialite and novelist Charles Condomine, who invites the eccentric medium and clairvoyant, Madame Arcati, to his house...

Cost: $6-$10

Where:
VanTrease PACE
10300 E. 81st Street
Tulsa, OK  74133
View map »


Telephone: 918-595-7768
Contact Name: Dana Edwards
Website »

More information

Contact improv is about choices, listening, sharing and generosity. It is a partner dance form based on the physical principles of touch, momentum, shared weight, and most quintessentially -...

Cost: $18.75 or $15 with punch card

Where:
Fly Loft studio 3
117 N Boston
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »

More information

Cost: $13-$54

Where:
BOK Center
200 S Denver Ave
Tulsa, OK
View map »


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Opening to the public on Thursday, Nov. 16, the 110th anniversary of Oklahoma statehood, “The Art of Oklahoma” celebrates the Museum’s outstanding and...

Cost: Free with admission

Where:
Oklahoma City Museum of Art
415 Couch Dr.
Oklahoma City, OK  73102
View map »


Website »

More information

In 1968, the Oklahoma Art Center, OKCMOA’s predecessor, purchased the 150-piece permanent collection of the Washington Gallery of Modern Art, the first art museum in the nation’s...

Cost: Free with admission

Where:
Oklahoma City Museum of Art
415 Couch Dr.
Oklahoma City, OK  73102
View map »


Website »

More information

For only January and February - four-legged family members can join you for a walk at the Botanic Garden - Fridays and Saturdays in January and February only.  Dogs must be on a leash (no...

Cost: FREE for Garden members and member dogs; Regular admission for non-members and $

Where:
Tulsa Botanic Garden
3900 Tulsa Botanic Drive
Tulsa, OK  74127
View map »


Sponsor: Tulsa Botanic Garden
Telephone: 918-289-0330
Website »

More information

Guy Lozier, a featured Oklahoma Author, will spend the afternoon at Gardener's Book Store in Tulsa mixing with the public and autographing books. Guy has 9 books currently published including 2...

Cost: Free

Where:
Gardener's Used Books
4421 S. Mingo Rd.
Tulsa, OK  74146
View map »


Sponsor: Author Guy Lozier
Telephone: 918-841-3149
Contact Name: Guy Lozier
Website »

More information

Join us for a day of Family FUN! Tickets are only $10 per person & are now on sale at https://dnb.ticketbud.com/kids-valentines-carnival-dnb-tulsa Each ticket includes: One Spin on the...

Cost: $10.00

Where:
Dave & Buster's of Tulsa
6812 S. 105th E. Ave
Highway 169 & 71st Street
Tulsa, OK  74133
View map »


Telephone: 918-449-3106
Contact Name: Katrina Mills
Website »

More information

Shelter brings together two nationally recognized artists, sculptor Patrick Dougherty and fiber artist Rachel Hayes in a thought-provoking exploration of space, architecture, and structures....

Cost: Free

Where:
108 Contemporary
108 East M.B. Brady Street
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Sponsor: 108 Contemporary

More information

Education For Scholars, Inc. is hosting our annual cultural dinner called, "United to Fulfill to Dream," to commemorate the work of Dr. Martin Luther Jr., who advocated racial equality...

Cost: FREE ADMISSION, MUST RSVP

Where:
Tulsa Central Library in the Pocahontas Room
400 Civic Center
Tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Sponsor: Education For Scholars, Inc.
Telephone: 918-955-0302
Contact Name: Merleanna Dick
Website »

More information

join us Friday February 2nd for another fabulous exhibit featuring Tulsa's own Marjorie Atwood, 'The Gilded Gaze'.  we'll have light refreshments, full bar and live music!...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Mainline Art Bar
111 n main street
tulsa, OK  74103
View map »


Telephone: 918-704-3330
Contact Name: katy eagleston

More information

The Oklahoma Swing Syndicate (TOSS) hosts a Swing dance and lessons  The Oklahoma Swing Syndicate (TOSS) is the only UNESCO recognized dance organization in Oklahoma.  We are a 501c3...

Cost: $7

Where:
Community Center - South Minister Presby Church
3500 So Peoria
1/2 west of Peoria, on 35pl behind the church
Tulsa, OK  74102
View map »


Sponsor: The Ok Swing Syndicate
Telephone: 918-450-691
Contact Name: Rita Robbins
Website »

More information

The largest marriage conference of its kind is coming to Tulsa, Oklahoma February 16-17. The XO Tour is a one of a kind, live marriage conference bringing couples together in venues...

Cost: $65/ticket

Where:
Victory Church Tulsa
7700 S Lewis Ave
Tulsa, OK
View map »


Sponsor: MarriageToday
Telephone: 972-953-0500
Website »

More information

  Kicking off this month, The "MercyMe Live" Tour will unite the band with Tenth Avenue North alongside Tim Timmons for a three month stretch. The line-up will visit over 20...

Cost: http://mercyme.org/#tour

Where:
Mabee Center
7777 S Lewis Ave
Tulsa, OK  74171
View map »

More information

Blithe Spirit is a comic play by Noël Coward. The play concerns the socialite and novelist Charles Condomine, who invites the eccentric medium and clairvoyant, Madame Arcati, to his house...

Cost: $6-$10

Where:
VanTrease PACE
10300 E. 81st Street
Tulsa, OK  74133
View map »


Telephone: 918-595-7768
Contact Name: Dana Edwards
Website »

More information

Have you been looking for love in all the wrong places? Well, we'd love to have you join us, and see the good and bad sides of romance in the 21st century. Laughing Matter is a live comedy...

Cost: 8.00

Where:
PH Community House
306 South Phoenix
Tulsa, OK  74127
View map »


Sponsor: Laughing Matter Improv
Contact Name: Jerry Henderson
Website »

More information

Making plans for this weekend? You can't do better than The Drunkard & The Olio at the historic Spotlight Theater. You know you've always wanted to go, and now's your chance. And if...

Cost: Adults $20, kids $12, seniors & military $17

Where:
Spotlight Theater
1381 Riverside Dr.
Tulsa, OK  74127
View map »

More information

Cost: $13-$54

Where:
BOK Center
200 S Denver Ave
Tulsa, OK
View map »


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...
Edit ModuleEdit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

TULtalk


Which Chateau Blanche pin are you?

Pick your favorite characters from 7 popular TV shows, and we'll tell you which of these irreverent enamel pins best captures your personality.

Comments

Which February 2018 fundraiser should you attend?

Don't be overwhelmed by the sheer number of events and causes to support in Tulsa; let us help you pick the right fundraising event for your interests and budget!

Comments

February 2018 charitable events

Mark your calendars with the best ways to have fun while supporting a worthy cause in Tulsa.

Comments

From the editor: The taste of surprise

One of my most memorable food experiences to date happened several months ago, and I’m still thinking about it.

Comments

Heart Ball is extra special to the Loughridge family

A multi-generational connection adds meaning to the American Heart Association's annual fundraiser on February 17.

Comments