Barry Friedman At Large
A lot about animals.
“Five ninety-nine, six hundred, six hundred and … wait, didn’t I count you already?” Because of an increasing number of black bears in the southeastern part of the state, the Oklahoma Wildlife Conservation Commission voted recently to create a black bear hunting season.
Hunters are cheering the new legislation; the bears … not so much.
According to Alan Peoples, director of the wildlife division for the state Wildlife Department, there may be as many as 800 black bears in that part of the state and at least 500 in Leflore County, and they’re causing much damage to livestock and crops, as in eating them.
Our At Large animal control specialist, while supporting the season, does worry if:
A) Some were counted twice. Black bears are notorious for not keeping on their “I was counted today. Were you?” little sticky things, and
B) They were all black. When being chased through Poteau by an angry bear, who has time to determine whether the behemoth was black or, say, just dark brown.
At Large dumb criminal(s) of the month Last month, a Tulsa woman accidentally shot herself in the abdomen when she, her son and another woman were playing with a revolver. The woman was taken to a hospital, while the son was arrested on other charges. The third woman, we imagine, was thinking, “You know, I really need to get the Wii fixed so my guests will have something else to play with.”
Don’t laugh. OK, laugh. The Tulsa City Council, led by Councilman G.T. Bynum, asked the Planning Commission to study the feasibility of screening outhouses and temporary latrines in residential areas.
Homeowners are beginning to complain that the blue and orange structures are a blight on the community; those in the portable toilet community think they’re necessary.
And to be fair, after a Big Gulp and a burrito, you don’t want anything standing in the way of you and your Porta John.
And, again, why didn’t he get the death penalty? Convicted Oklahoma City bombing co-conspirator Terry Nichols filed a $2 million lawsuit from his jail cell in Colorado, claiming the food he’s being served causes him physical problems and violates his religious beliefs. Nichols wants to be served whole grain foods, fresh raw vegetables and fruits instead of refined foods.
Or … we could just have the families of his victims whip up something for him to eat.
And the cows are thinking, “It’s not like we want to be this gaseous. You try eating grass all day and see what happens.” Oklahoma Congressman Frank Lucas has introduced legislation that would prevent the EPA from adding a cow flatulence fee on Oklahoma cattlemen. The EPA isn’t exactly targeting Oklahoma cows, mind you, but it is planning to tax harmful emissions from factories and cars, and some feel that cow flatulence contributes to global warming.
Our At Large Flatulence Task Force agrees with Lucas, citing the unfairness of the tax, particularly those instances when a Hereford, for instance, lets one rip and the other cattle say, “Hey, man, that wasn’t me.”
We’re rooting for Bill on this one It was reported last month that Tulsan Bill Waters found the original recipe for Dr Pepper at an antique store in the Texas Panhandle. He bought a book for $200, which included the recipe for D Peppers Pepsin Bitters, and distributed it to a Dallas auction house, which set a minimum bid of $25,000. Dr Pepper officials say the recipe is not its formula but probably just that of an antacid.
Eavesdroppings “Asking Tulsa County to help pay for the new Driller stadium downtown is like being asked to help pay for the vet from the person who stole your dog.”
Stories we won’t be covering Tom Kivisto’s public relations media blitz to resurrect his tarnished reputation.
UPS AND DOWNS
DOWN Most Rev. Edward Slattery, bishop, Tulsa Diocese, for writing the University of Notre Dame asking officials to rescind their invitation to President Obama to speak at commencement exercises because of his support of a woman’s right to choose.
UP The University of Notre Dame for ignoring the bishop.
UP U.S. Rep. Dan Boren for introducing legislation that would apologize to Native Americans for years of broken treaties and general mistreatment.
DOWN The air in Tulsa — voted worst in the state by the American Lung Association.