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PrintOklahoma is God’s Country … whether HE likes it or not
Barry Friedman at Large
Oh, sure, you heal 1.2 million, but all anyone talks about is the 300,000 or so still limping
In a ceremony honoring Oral Roberts before the Oklahoma Senate, theformer televangelist and president of the school that bears his namesaid, “I’ve laid hands on more than 1.5 million people, individually,for their healing. Some have been healed; some have not.”
Marking, coincidentally, the exact spot of Jimmy Hoffa’s shallow grave
The global director of the Mid-America Bigfoot Research Center, D.W.Lee, said large prints found in a Honobia, Okla., forest are those ofBigfoot.
(Not sure which is more troubling: that Bigfoot may be in the state orthat there is someone with the actual title of global director of theMid-America Bigfoot Research Center.)
In any event, bolstering his claim, Lee said that in addition to thetracks, which measured 15 3/4 inches long and 5 inches wide,vocalizations were heard — what he calls the tell-tale mocking calls ofthe oft-misunderstood creature.
For his part, Bigfoot, while not denying he was in Honobia, sent our AtLarge director of land and sea apparitions the following statement:
“If one more director reduces my cries for help as mere tell-talemocking calls, I am going to put my big foot up his global butt.”
“Honey, would you and your little girlfriend like to share some Goobers? Mom’s treat.”
The AMC Southroads 20 is going ahead with its plan to strictly adhereto the mall’s curfew policy, meaning no kids ages 16 and younger willbe allowed in its theaters this summer after 6 p.m. unless accompaniedby an adult.
Imagine the joy this will bring to all the teenagers who couldn’t get a date before this announcement.
Dumb criminal(s) of the month
Three Tulsa homeless men arrested for robbing two convenience stores have blamed the Irish Mafia for making them do it.
According to the suspects, a man who said he was with the Irish RedMobster Gang (personally, were I a member, I’d lobby for Green)approached them in a homeless shelter and told them riches awaited ifthey joined him in a string of convenience store heists — which Mo,Larry and Curly apparently did.
Police are saying the fact that the man convinced the homeless men todo it is actually plausible; nevertheless, the men are in jail andSeamus Soprano is still at large.
Is it because we’re devil-worshipping infidels that God never calls onliberals to run for public office … or is it something else?
Republican business owner and entrepreneur Clay Clark announcedin May that he is running for mayor, saying, “We live in a conservativetown … We live in a conservative state, but we have a liberal mayor andwe have a liberal governor representing us.” Clark, who’s 29, added, “Ifeel as though I’m called to stand up for the morals, the values andbeliefs of the average local citizen.”
The At Large director of entrepreneurial arrogance always cringes whenpoliticians talk about being called to serve. It’s the wholehearing-voices thing.
News stories we won’t be covering
The next near catastrophe at Big Splash and/or next time the water park fails some state safety inspection.
Eavesdroppings
“I’m not driving I-244 anymore, especially this loop around downtown. It’s insane. Oklahoma City roads are not this scary.”
UPS AND DOWNS
UP Wayman Tisdale … in perpetuity.
UP David Boren and Burns Hargis for recommending to the OU and OSU boards of regents, respectively, that they plan no tuition increases next year.
DOWN Jerome Ersland, OKC pharmacist, who shot a gun-wielding robber inside his drug store …
DOWN Right up until the point, according to the store’s surveillance camera, he mortally shot the assailant five times in the abdomen while he lay on the floor unconscious. Ersland now faces a first-degree murder charge.
DOWN Westboro Baptist Church. For some reason, this mutant group of Kansas Christians keeps coming to Tulsa to spread its peculiar brand of hate.
