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“Don’t it make my brown eyes blue. I mean red … RED!”
Haven’t Native Americans suffered enough?
Wayne Newton, part Cherokee himself, recently appeared at The Joint at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tulsa. Newton, who is best known for the hit “Danke Schoen,” has been in show business so long, he’s worked with Jack Benny, The Beatles and Nebuchadnezzar.
(We kid, of course — he never worked with The Beatles.)
The Joint required all guests to be at least 21 — as it turned out, all guests were at least three and a half times that.
He felt the same after giving $3 million to Swift Boat Veterans and Bush was re-elected.
After OSU defeated OU and received its first-ever BCS bowl invitation, T. Boone Pickens said, “I got my money’s worth.”
Dumb Criminal of the Month
According to police, the woman arrested at Walmart at East 81st Street and South Lewis Avenue for allegedly making meth inside the store didn’t really know how. While she had lithium and chemical drain cleaner, she didn’t have pseudoephedrine. To put this omission in context, imagine you’re at the store, your kids are driving you crazy, so you decide to beat them — only to realize you didn’t bring them.
The company you keep
A study by the United Health Foundation ranked Oklahoma the 48th unhealthiest state. The sickest five, Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Louisiana and Mississippi, were all red states in 2008. The healthiest five, Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Hawaii and Massachusetts, were all blue. Just saying.
Now if only the action on the floor would do the same.
The University of Tulsa installed a gesund new multi-screened scoreboard at the Reynolds Center. Ross Parmley, TU interim athletics director, said, “The game-day experience will be greatly enhanced for everyone in the arena.”
Metro sexual
It started when Sen. Jim Inhofe made a reference at a Tulsa Metro Chamber event about bestiality and the repeal of the military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. Shane Fernandez, chairman of Mosaic, the chamber’s diversity initiative, took offense and went public. The senator then accused the chamber of making him look foolish (not difficult to do) and said that he was merely, and proudly, addressing the “understandable concerns” of constituents.
Days later, and after a Tulsa World editorial supported Inhofe, Chamber CEO Mike Neal apologized.
C’mon, Mike. Inhofe uses a chamber speech to cynically tether the issue of gays in the military with this loopiness and you apologize? The only people who think there’s a connection between bestiality and the repeal of DADT also think they see Obama in their pancakes every morning dressed as a Kenyan warlord.
DCOM (State Edition)
After grabbing a woman’s purse at gunpoint outside an OKC convenience store, the assailant ran off. According to the victim, because “the man was so fat,” she decided to chase him down. And she did; unfortunately, when she caught up, Chubbs hit her in the head with the gun and took off again. With a gash in her head and now really pissed, she ran after him again and this time retrieved her purse.
The woman required stitches; the man is still — wait for it — At Large.
For those planning an alternative, more biblically centered Easter Day Parade, our At Large community events director suggests …
1) Fewer chocolate bunnies and jelly beans and more figs and pomegranates, and
2) Putting out a casting call for those who can portray Roman soldiers and speak Aramaic.
Random Oklahoma reference
The Eat Like a Man blog on Esquire.com featured a story about a man who went to 362 NYC pizza parlors. Author Elizabeth Gunnison wrote, “Of course, tasting your way through all of New York’s pizza slices is kind of like choosing the best brisket in Oklahoma.”
Would someone tell Esquire we call it barbecue? Sheesh!
Random Oklahoma reference, Part II
Jon Stewart from “The Daily Show” on just how red our state is: “You can’t even find people in Oklahoma with blue eyes.”
Stories we won’t be following:
Viewer response to Clay Loney’s rants on FOX23
Rule 51:
Oklahoma’s weather isn’t any more fascinating than any other state’s.
Well … then how about a candidate who’s not a thrice-married, megalomaniacal, duplicitous windbag?
When J.C. Watts, former Oklahoma congressman, endorsed former Speaker Newt Gingrich for president, he said, “I’m not looking for a candidate that’s perfect, that’s not flawed.”
Ups and downs
DOWN … Former Rice, TU, Pitt Arizona State coach Todd Graham. Maybe he’s not self-centered, greedy and disloyal; maybe he just has commitment issues.
NEUTRAL … Sutherlands
up … It sold fruit during the holidays.
down … It sold fruit during the holidays.
UP … Former state Rep. Brad Carson for being named U.S. Army general counsel.
