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Our pet and coaches issue.
Things you’d rather not see so early in the new year, Part 1
At T.J. Maxx at 61st and Memorial, a sign on a rack read “Active Bottoms.”
And now to LaFortune Park for the pentathlon finals.
After some Tulsa city leaders met with Neil Mavis and Michael Jones, part of the exploratory committee that wants to bring the 2020 Summer Olympics to Tulsa, District 1 Councilor Jack Henderson said, “A lot of people were laughing. Now, less people are laughing and more people are listening.”
Jack, trust us, we’re still laughing.
And, by the way, it’s “fewer” people. “Less” is used when talking about things that can’t literally be counted — such as the brains of city councilors who waste time on preposterous ideas.
If he only knew how good a school OSU is to go to.
When asked about the University of Missouri moving to the Big Ten Conference, Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon said, “I’m not going to say anything bad about the Big 12, but when you compare Oklahoma State to Northwestern … you begin looking at educational possibilities that are worth looking at.”
Hey, Gov, didn’t the Rhodes Scholars at Mizzou teach you not to end a sentence with a preposition?
Remember the episode of “Seinfeld” when Costanza gets caught sleeping with the office cleaning lady and tells his boss, “Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I had no idea things like that were frowned upon”?
In pushing for Allan Trimble’s return next season, Mike Means, Jenks High School principal, said the Oklahoma Secondary Schools Activity Association rules were “vague” and Trimble didn’t understand the legalese.
Ohhhhhh, that was the problem. See, we thought it was pretty clear that …
A) Non-Jenks students can’t participate in team workouts;
B) It’s against regulations to literally type up a lease so a recruit can live with a member of your staff; and
C) When a booster leaves cash for your players, you have to notify school authorities and not the booster club.
Our bad.
Things you’d rather not see so early in the new year, Part 2
The new liquor store at 32nd and Yale, Bunghole Wine and Spirits.
Damn cat
It started when the 5-year-old Durant boy went looking for the family cat and discovered a beaver. The child, as children do, pet the beaver and the beaver, as beavers do, bit the kid. Then the boy’s father, as fathers do, beat the beaver to death.
Perhaps he overreacted, for authorities say the man pummeled the rodent so severely, it can’t be tested for rabies, so his son now has to be treated for rabies.
No winners here, except the cat, who, as cats do, came out better than the rest of us.
“Sir, what if the bird had diarrhea? Would that be something to worry about?”
John Connolly, an environmental engineer for the poultry industry, testified that using bird manure as crop fertilizer does not significantly affect water quality in the Arkansas River.
Two questions:
1) How does it feel, in fact, to be the industry’s “go to” guy when it comes to bird poop, and
2) How do you defend your expertise in the avian-defecation community during cross-examination?
Eavesdroppings
“Why do we act every year like it never snows?”
Why, Lord, why?
The Tulsa World announced last month an iPhone app.
Dumb Criminal of the Month
See “Scream” boy below.
New At Large feature
Stop that cliché
“I want our program to move forward … We want to keep our program moving forward. We’ve made so many great strides. Perception is reality.” — Todd Graham, University of Tulsa football coach
Ups and downs
DOWN Gov. Brad Henry for not having the political and constitutional vertebrae to veto the bill allowing a Ten Commandments statue at the state Capitol.
UP The Tulsa woman who stopped an attempted robbery when she accidentally hit one of the assailants, who, according to police, was wearing a “Scream” mask when struck.
DOWN The Weather Gods. Not for dumping 6 inches of snow on Christmas Eve, but for not dumping it on Christmas Day. Nelson Mazda promised full refunds to those who bought cars between Nov. 19 and Dec. 18 if 4 inches of snow fell on Dec. 25.
Wouldn’t it be great if a car dealer just once had to make good on a cockamamie promotion?
