Judge not, lest ye be judged - unless you're really, really stupid; in which case, we're judging
Barry Friedman at Large
What would Jesus do? Get up from the crèche and smite the infidels, I say! This past December, as it does every year around the holidays, a rash of thefts occurred from area mangers. Fortunately, the baby Jesus at St. John Medical Center was not stolen, as it was during Christmas 2006, because security cameras and extra swaddling (I kid you not) were installed.
Our At Large director of religion and criminal studies believes, however, that such acts will continue until pressure mounts from within the deity-heisting community itself to stop them. The director then excoriated those who took the infant, saying, “You stole … Jesus? That’s some baaaaaad joo joo!”
Incidentally, stealing from a manger — and that includes the shepherds, myrrh, angels and even the swaddling accessories — is considered grand larceny and punishable by jail time.
Wait, wait, wait … a family what? The Oklahoma Department of Agriculture is investigating the death and decapitation of a mixed-breed black Angus cow in Logan County. The crime was so horrific — authorities believe the assailant was after the cow’s unusual horns — that a total $7,500 reward is being offered.
According to its owner, the cow was bottle-fed since birth and considered a family pet.
Great. I didn’t feel guilty enough eating a rib eye.
Two years, max The Ysleta Independent School District of El Paso, Texas, has selected former Tulsa Public Schools Superintendent Dr. Michael Zolkoski to fill the post of superintendent.
Our new At Large feature: Dumb criminal of the month The winner goes to Tulsan Zachary Shaw, who allegedly robbed and beat a man on the same morning he was to stand trial for another crime, a 2007 robbery. Shaw was arrested when he arrived at the courthouse, apparently forgetting that’s where cops, prosecutors and judges hang out
Water and soap first and then the towel? I’m confused. Can’t I just wipe my hands on my jeans on the way out of the stall? In honor of National Handwashing Awareness Week, the Oklahoma Department of Health took the opportunity to remind people of the importance of hand washing and, to clear up any confusion, included the following guidelines:
First, wet your hands with warm water, then use liquid or clean bar soap to work up a lather. Rub your hands together vigorously for at least 15 to 20 seconds to dislodge and remove germs … Finish by rinsing your hands well, then drying with a clean towel.
Next up: the ways of the seatbelt.