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Never talk religion, especially during the holidays
Possible post-resignation conversation in the Terry Simonson household
“Dad, sorry about the fire department thing, but I’m up for a great job. Would you mind calling … ?”
“No!”
“An e-mail?”
“Forget it!”
And an atheist laughs, Part I
Police arrested a man in Oklahoma City who was a) carrying a Bible, b) holding a bottle of gin, c) on his way to church, and d) naked.
Maybe the Race to the Top should start at the top.
When state Rep. Sally Kern doubted that national educational standards would work in Oklahoma schools, Janet Barresi, state superintendent of public instruction, responded, “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but not their own facts.”
Or, we might add, own grammar.
“Everyone” is singular; “their” is plural, meaning (and most state school superintendents know this) that “everyone” is entitled not to “their” but to “his or her” opinion — even Sally Kern, which can be pretty scary.
One imagines that it was a loose affiliation of competent whites and incompetent whites and blacks that helped defeat the measure.
To illustrate how overwhelming the defeat was for the measure that would have added three at-large representatives to the Tulsa City Council, remember Brittany Novotny, Oklahoma’s first openly transgender political candidate, who ran against Sally Kern? She didn’t lose as badly. Making matters worse, weeks before the election, a spokesperson for Save our Tulsa, which authored the initiative, said the new configuration would be “a good chance for a competent black person” to be elected. Next time (if there is a next time), stop talking.
In his defense, you ever try reading one of these things? Once you get past the new ambulance and gauze purchases, you’re so batty, you’re ready to sign off on anything.
Clay Bird, who sits on the EMSA board, admitted to the Tulsa World that he voted to approve the agency’s budget without actually reading it. Had he, he would have discovered that EMSA bought a $1,000 Christmas tree, a $3,200 charcoal grill, $1,500 office chairs and a $9,000 area rug.
Really — a charcoal grill?
“There’s a heart attack at 13th and Florence. You coming?”
“Nah, I just put the steaks on. You go.”
And an atheist laughs, Part II
In Chickasha, a man was arrested for allegedly assaulting his wife when she refused to buy him a Bible at the local Walmart. According to the woman, the man had torn up all the previous ones she purchased. In his defense, maybe he was looking for the decoder ring hidden inside specially marked King James editions sold at the chain.
Note: As a result of the deadline of the December At Large column, we were unable to comment on the incoherent connection U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe no doubt made between America’s demise and those who said “Happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” this holiday season.
Whoops!
Random Oklahoma reference
Scott Raab, in part seven of his Esquire series “The Rebuilding,” entitled “The Memorial,” about the delays in reclaiming and rebuilding Ground Zero in New York City: “And if it took the Okies five years to plant a lawn full of chairs … why would anyone expect it to happen more easily and with less aggravation in New York City?”
Eavesdroppings
“Other than the beer, Oktoberfest just never feels that German to me.”
Rule 4
Tulsa will rank close to the bottom in any national survey concerning roads, public safety, nutrition, children’s health and women’s issues and near the top in those dealing with business environment, available parking, access to churches, home prices and overall optimism.
Perhaps another reason newspapers are in trouble
Received a promotional offer from the Tulsa World last month that offered seven-day-a-week home delivery for $11 per month or just Sunday delivery for $12.
And an atheist laughs, Part III
Car Care Clinics of Tulsa, which maintains a car care ministry, will pray over the repair of your car before a team of volunteers actually does the work. Labor, hybrids and repairs requiring exorcisms not included.
Ups and downs
UP … Toby Keith. OK, he’s not Rachel Maddow on the subject, but we give the Oklahoma singer a thumbs-up for his mostly sane position on gays in the military and gay marriage (“Somebody’s sexual preference is like, ‘Who cares?’”).
DOWN … Dewey Bartlett. How exactly does Fire Chief Allen LaCroix still have a job?
DOWN … Those in the state highway department (those we imagine with healthy prostates) who keep building area rest stops without restroom facilities. You cruel, cruel bastards!
