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PrintSeason’s greetings: Lock ’n’ load!
Stories we won’t be covering
The number of instances this holiday season where diversity is not only ignored but mocked.
If Tom Adelson isn’t mayor …
It was your asinine television spots, bro. Your near-libelous claims and condescending tone made Bartlett a sympathetic figure from day one.
Great news, except …
1) The team will play June through September, when most of us are getting drunk at the lake, and
2) TU and ORU women’s hoops draw, like, 14 people per game — and those tickets are usually given away.
The Detroit Shock of the WNBA will be playing at the BOK next year.
Dumb Fraternity of the Month
Remember the story, perhaps apocryphal, about there being only four registered cars in Ohio in 1904, and how two of them got into an accident?
Well, in Chickasha, at The University of Science and Arts of Oklahoma (I guess all the good names were taken), there is only one fraternity on campus … and it was put on probation.
Phi Lambda Chi was disciplined when two of its members asked a woman to bare her chest so they could take her picture as part of a fraternity scavenger hunt. (Needed: a 6-ounce glass bottle of Coke, a 1999 penny, a pink crayon and a photo of a woman’s rack.)
The sanctions mean the fraternity can’t accept new members or take part in university activities. But they can still make arm farts in the cafeteria.
Because nothing says, “Stop the culture of violence” quite like a loaded AK-47.
Sen. Tom Coburn attached an amendment to credit card legislation (passed by Congress and signed by the president) that allows loaded guns and semi-automatic weapons to be brought into national parks. And one of those national parks? The Oklahoma City National Memorial, whose mission statement reads, “May all who leave here know the impact of violence.”
The senator will now introduce legislation allowing surface-to-air missiles into meetings with credit card company representatives.
Eavesdroppings
A man, watching his wife weigh herself at a doctor’s office, asked, “What’s it say there, woman?” and then, sneaking a peek, said, “Damn!”
Plenty of good seats still available.
The Oklahoma Department of Transportation has requested $2 billion of federal stimulus money for a high-speed rail line between Tulsa and Oklahoma City.
And, apparently, it did so with a straight face.
First of all, to many Oklahomans, national health insurance is a socialist plot, so imagine what will happen when federal authorities “encourage” state residents to get out of their cars and into public transportation?
Secondly, there’s only $8 billion set aside in the program for the entire nation, and ODOT thinks the Feds are going to give 25 percent of it to Oklahoma for a train on which 19 socialists will ride?
If Tom Adelson is mayor …
It was your brilliant television campaign, Mr. Mayor. Your spots were hard-hitting and intelligent and put Bartlett on the defensive from day one.
Dumb Criminal of the Month
The man who was arrested for huffing compressed gas while sitting in a Wal-Mart bathroom and holding a pellet gun. When police asked him to drop the gun, the man said he had just come from a national park where sitting on a toilet with a loaded weapon is legal. Actually, he just exhaled and got up from the commode.
Not to mention having to put up with frat boys who want to see them topless.
Self Magazine, citing the number of fast food restaurants and increased cancer risks posed by living here, voted Tulsa 100th on its list of healthy cities for women to live. We wouldn’t bring this up except there were only 100 U.S. cities surveyed.
Now, that’s domestically. Women fared much better here than their sisters in Bhopal and Addis Ababa.
Ups and downs
UP The group of Tulsa doctors who went to Indonesia after October’s earthquakes.
UP Rocky, a Broken Arrow dog that woke its family when a fire began engulfing the home. To be fair, Rocky was probably getting hot and desperately wanted someone to open the door.
DOWN Ashley Jewell and Kelsey Beams, of Woodward, for allegedly planning to shoot their foster parents. Girls, couldn’t you just ask DHS to reassign you?
SIDEWAYS Garth Brooks. Glad you’re out of retirement. You’ll perform at The Encore in Vegas every weekend, but you won’t play the BOK once?
