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Barry Friedman at Large

Stay hydrated, my friends.

Excluding geography

At Tulsa International Airport, the ad on the wall read …

We’re Pumped! TU is the highest ranked university in Oklahoma. And Kansas. And Arkansas. And New Mexico. And Arizona. And Mississippi.

Okay, stop — we get it.

But really? Mississippi and Arkansas were in the control group?

Overheard:

The 86-year-old Las Vegas man after being told what a cosmopolitan city Tulsa is becoming:

“Doesn’t it know it’s in Oklahoma?”

You had us at hot pink tank top

In what has to be the greatest imagery ever written about noodling (hand fishing), The Oklahoman wrote, “When Lucy Millsap [aka “Bare Knuckles Babe”] walked onstage in a hot pink tank top with a 72-pound catfish hoisted over her shoulder, the crowd couldn’t help but take notice.”

Neither could we.

Marriage is between one husband and one wife. Okay, maybe one more … each. But that’s it! There’s a tradition to maintain.

So 1.4 milliseconds after the Supreme Court ruled the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional and gave states the right to allow gay marriages, Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin essentially released the following statement: Ewwww.

“Like the vast majority of Oklahomans, I support traditional marriage,” said the twice-married governor. “I do not and will not support expanding the definition of marriage to include same-sex couples.”

Just once we’d like to read a statement from her office that doesn’t make us want to stick our hand in a NutriBullet®.

Rule 49:

Never trust a man with an initial for a first name.

In which two hogs wonder, “They do know we’re not feral, right?

A state law now allows farmers to kill not only hogs, but also coyotes from the air on private land.

A bad idea, badly spoken

Mayor Dewey Bartlett on the city council’s decision to allow merchants in the Brady District to determine the area’s name:

“Because it’s a direct impact upon them. And if a change does occur, then it’s them that will absorb the brunt of whatever decision is made, either keep it the same or not.”

What the mayor does to the language is enough to make our English teacher, Mrs. Gasman, start abusing Dilaudid.

We continue.

The Brady name is a sore, a reminder of a weekend in May more than 90 years ago that is neither fully forgotten nor adequately remembered.

It is the nimbostratus cloud over the city.

Tulsans, all of us, should decide if it should be changed — not the owner of a tattoo parlor who just moved into the neighborhood.

Thanks Barney. Can I talk to Andy now?

“His hands and feet were tied and the body had been decapitated. Tulsa police told KRMG the death was due to suicide.”

Dumb Criminal of the Month (State Edition)

After a Durant woman sold pot to detectives twice in the span of a day, she said to the arresting officer, “I knew y’all were cops.”

Yeah, well, they knew you weren’t no Rhodes Scholar, neither.

Someday, and that day may never come, I’ll call upon you to do a service for me

For all the joking about Pastor Keith Cressman’s lawsuit against Oklahoma over the depiction of a Native American on the state’s license plate, one point was lost:

He was right.

Personally, I wouldn’t get my vestments in a wad over this, but if Cressman, who’s pastor at St. Mark’s United Methodist Church in Bethany, doesn’t want his church vans promoting a message — according to his attorney that “might imply his approval of contrary beliefs, such as that God and nature are one, that other deities exist, or that 'animals, plants, rocks, and other natural phenomena have souls or spirits'” — the state should give him another option … and it should be the same price as a regular tag.

And then come next December, when someone in Bethany wants to erect a manger on public land, I trust Cressman will be just as offended and supportive of those who don’t want to “imply” approval of beliefs they don’t have. 

(Pastor, one more thing: Did you run this ‘dogs have no souls’ thing by those in your congregation who actually have dogs? Because that could get nasty.)

Things we never thought we’d say:

We miss John Sullivan.


Ups and downs

UP … Camp Quest for being a place, according to its director, Mary Eversole, that focuses on “ … the humanist, freethinking, skeptic, atheist, agnostic side.”

Can I go?

UP … Hillcrest Medical Center for operating an air transport service for high-risk obstetrics patients.

DOWN … Oral Roberts University for its clunky, uninspiring slogan:  Make No Little Plans Here. Who helped you with this, the mayor?

                    

 

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