Barry Friedman at large
He ain’t heavy; he’s my — eh, you don’t want to know
All the news that’s fit to print — albeit small print
On June 7, on page A15 in the Local, State briefs section of the Tulsa World, sixth story down, was news that a 9-year-old accidentally shot his 3-year-old brother with his parents’ gun. The gun was locked in a cabinet, so this is not about gun safety; it’s about emphasis and priorities. Had this incident involved one of those parents using the gun to shoot an intruder, it would have appeared above the fold on page one in font big enough for Stevie Wonder to see.
Sitting in traffic on a torn-up Riverside Drive, the woman, seeing equipment, cones and men in hardhats, asked, “Didn’t they just do this road?”
By contrast, men are better at writing their names in the snow while peeing and crushing beer cans against their foreheads than women.
Hard to imagine there are people pursuing this record, much less keeping count, but Alicia Clifton, this year’s Miss Oklahoma, holds the record for most à la seconde turns (a ballet move that involves holding one leg out while spinning on the second leg on tiptoes and bending, a move that is regarded as a male’s turn in Europe) in 30 seconds — 50 times.
“It just goes to show that girls can do anything a guy can do, sometimes better,” she said.
Really — that proves it?
Another reason to consider goldfish
The new City of Tulsa trash ordinance states that dead animals weighing more than 10 pounds cannot be put in the trash. For the record, our At Large veterinarian isn’t happy about dead 9.5-pound schnauzers wrapped up in old copies of Urban Tulsa Weekly in there, either.
Next up: charging customers extra to ride in the back of the ambulance
Last month, EMSA asked the City Council for a rate increase for some of its services.
Considering EMSA is already being audited for its lavish spending on things like barbecue grills and terrazzo floors — not to mention its inattentive board members who never read the annual budget and its sending threatening letters to customers — this took chutzpah to even ask.
The council approved the request, 5-3.
Beat the Press
This month’s award goes to FOX23 for interviewing area psychologist Dr. Tim Doty to explain why people in Oklahoma were upset that the Oklahoma City Thunder lost in the NBA Finals.
“The fact that there’s some sort of shared disappointment,” Doty said, “there’s permission to kind of be right there with the other disappointed fans.”
Oh, so, we wanted the team to win, and when it didn’t, we were sad.
To the doctor for this insight and to FOX23 for breaking this story, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Dumb Most Exfoliated Criminal of the Month
A woman wearing facial cream robbed a Med-X in late June. Considering the drugstore was located inside Utica Square, we hope she at least used the Chanel Precision Sublimage Serum Essential Regenerating Cream and not the Jergens All Purpose. Tastes are so discriminating in that part of town.
And those dressed as Caligula, Pol Pot and Idi Amin didn’t say nothing bad about it, neither.
After a picture of him wearing a swastika at a Halloween party appeared on Facebook, Rodney Hiebert, Republican Oklahoma state House candidate, admitted that some might find it offensive.
That’s right — some.
“I was just going to be a vampire,” Hiebert said. “I didn’t really give no thought about it. I still don’t really.”
That’s right — didn’t really give no thought.
Hiebert said he is not a racist but doesn’t think public schools should be allowed to teach Spanish and maintains that the iron cross was used as an emblem by the Oklahoma National Guard’s 45th Infantry Division in the 1920s and 1930s and by some Native American tribes.
His head then exploded when it ran out of blood and oxygen and the neurons got bored.
(Editor’s note: Hiebert received 158 votes for the state House seat — or 5.14 percent of the total — all of whom were at the party.)
A sports story you might have missed last month
In Chickasha Little League, Billy Douglas threw a perfect game, as his Cardinals hammered the Dodgers, 15-0.
Ups and downs
UP … Carrie Underwood for supporting the notion of gay marriage. “I definitely think we should all have the right to love, and love publicly, the people that we want to love,” she said.
UP … The Oxley Foundation for giving The University of Tulsa and The University of Oklahoma-Tulsa $15 million each for start-up costs related to their joint venture: the Tulsa School of Community Medicine. On hand for the ceremony were Presidents Steadman Upham (TU), Gerard Clancy (OU-Tulsa) and David Boren (OU-Norman), all in white lab coats — which really wasn’t necessary.
DOWN … State Attorney General Scott Pruitt for appealing the controversial abortion ultrasound bill after a district court decided it was unconstitutional. The bill would require doctors to perform costly and unnecessary medical procedures on women who didn’t want them. The attorney general, who believes there’s no place for government in our health care, apparently does think there’s a place for it in utero.